How Bazar, How Bazar

Through the month of April, I’ve been (asexually) smitten with an Iranian artist named Mina. She has a studio in the Brookland Arts Walk, a small plaza dedicated to bougie creativity. Every Saturday morning, weather permitting, the artists open their studios to the public, where they sell art and merch. Add in the food vendors and farmers who spring up, it really is the best way to spend a weekend morning, especially in the spring.

I’d been several times, but I’d never been to Kucheh Studios before last month, when I popped in and was stunned by the stark beauty of the woodcuts.

I was mesmerized by this woodcut, but I didn’t pick it up because I wasn’t ready to drop that price on a print. After thinking about it for two weeks, I went back and discovered that I was completely wrong about the price. It was twice as much as I thought it was. It’s worth it.

The first time I met Mina, she explained the protest symbolism in her work while I listened eagerly. Over the next week, I had to tell everybody about this experience. It was invigorating. The second time I stopped by, she invited me to a bazar she was sponsoring Friday evening. There would be food, music, and art.

Arts Walk is a Metro stop away, but there is a bike/running trail that leads from my station to Brookland. I’ve wanted to walk this path since I first saw it from the train, but it seemed daunting. A mile is okay—my station is about a mile away, and I walk that at least five days a week—but two seems like way too much. Friday, though … Friday was perfect, peak spring. The path I strolled along ran parallel to my train, so I’d seen the scenery already. However, I wasn’t blowing by this time, and I could appreciate the aggressive vegetation, industrial buildings, and graffiti from a fresh angle.

I was there before I knew it. The first thing I noticed was that it wasn’t a very big event. There were a half-dozen vendors, and not much of a crowd. However, it was only five p.m., and nobody else keeps my work hours.

Arriving early meant I got extra time with everyone. It started with Turkish coffee. This was because I was reading the menu on a table, and I was pounced upon by the most adorable teenage girl. While she made my drink, I tried to make conversation, but everything I said was more awkward than the last.

The thing about Turkish coffee is that makes Red Bull look like chamomile tea. Each cup comes with a warning label. I sat on a bench and sipped it, watching people drift through from the adjacent Metro station, until I could get rid of the cup.

My feet insisted on moving, and I found myself at a baklava table manned by the cheeriest woman I’d seen in some time. I thought there was only one kind of baklava, and it was baklava-flavored, but nothing could be further from the truth. she described each item on the menu like she was a sommelier. I chatted with her and her shockingly handsome husband about bazar culture, something I’ve missed from Doha. I left with four orange-cardamom baklavas. They are delicious.

My next stop was the guy with red bottles all over his little table. I sauntered in and listened to his pitch to the young lady before me. He sold herbal remedies in concentrated tea form, and he was passionate about it. Once he snagged me, he offered us both samples and explained which herbs, flowers, berries, and fungi combined to treat mild pain, depression, brain fog, and a number of other ailments. I asked if he had something for focus, and he had the perfect ginseng blend. He even took the time to tell me what ginseng is. He also said the word psychotropic, but that was probably nothing to worry about. He gave me some black tea on the house, and I sat down to listen to the taste of what colors smell like. 

On previous art walks, I sat on a bench or a curb and doodled a bit. The energy is great, and there is always at least one striking person. That in mind, I brought a sketchbook with me and drew the guy with the potions.

I was there long enough, but I had to make two more stops before I would take the train home like the lazy American I am.

I found Mina sitting at a table in front of her studio, carving a small tile. She had a very enthusiastic hello for me, which made me special. I took a woodcutting class two years ago, so I was familiar with the tools, but that was about it. I didn’t tell her because My woodcut was not very good.

She explained the material, the process, and more symbolism, while I listened to her, entranced, asking any question that might keep her talking. Eventually, people she knew stopped by, and I slipped away.

I was almost finished, but I wouldn’t avoid the siren song of my favorite cuisine, Lebanese. This booth specialized in man’oushe, a cheesy, heavily seasoned flatbread. Working with a Palestinian restaurant, they created new flavors specifically for the Kucheh bazar. I had the shawarma chicken and will recommend it to anyone who asks.

I had enough caffeine that I could vibrate through solid objects, but I went home anyway. I crashed about two hours later, well past my bedtime, but at least I slept. It was worth it.

Sprung

Twenty-one March was the second day of spring. In 2026, it fell on a Saturday. I had an errand to run in DuPont Circle, so I thought I’d stop by the Emissary, a café I’d left a scathing review for, but have returned to since and have thought it was okay. I tried to bring my New Year’s friend here, but it was closed on the Eve.

The clientele skews young, as it is smack dab in the middle of the second-trendiest district in D.C., and I enjoy people-watching. I was also looking for a place where I could have breakfast and some time to draw. Now that they’ve backed off on the table service thing that failed me before, it was going to be smooth.

If it wasn’t for the clientele. In the way in, I held the door for a family with a goddamned covered wagon. One was a toddler, and Dad was holding her. The other was running in circles. No one was using the wagon. From what I could see, there’s nothing you couldn’t do with a covered wagon that you can’t do with a double-stroller. Except the latter gives you a place to park your Stanley Cup.

Mom was dedicated solely to getting the wagon down the five stairs. There was a handicap ramp. I know because I was walking down it. I opened the door for Dad, who propped it open for the rest of the family.

I pull out a menu and step aside so I wouldn’t waste anybody’s time. The family marched ahead of me and proceeded to waste everybody’s time. For starters, they had not read the menu. The elderly couple behind them had the courtesy to get out of line to decide what to eat.

While I was waiting, this leathery woman with unconvincing hair color steps behind them, which is not behind me. I call out, “The line’s over here.” She says, “I’ll wait over here, thanks.” I step between her and the family, who seemed to be at a different reading level than I. She backs away.

Message received.

After I finished this fake movie poster …

I stopped by a boutique dispensary I’d visited with my New Year’s friend to ask them their professional opinion about something. She was very knowledgeable and helpful. She was unable to directly help me, but she made a lot of helpful suggestions. She was also wearing a strapless corset and cleavage like the Marianas Trench. That last bit is not important, but it’s not the kind of thing you see every day.

The weather was the Platonic ideal of weather, and I didn’t feel like going home, so I found an Adirondack in the circle that gives DuPont Circle its name. I had intended to work on some more art, but I was distracted by all the people I observed, circumnavigating the fountain, having lunch, chatting, and soaking up the sun like lizards. Everyone seemed so happy. That last bit is not important, but it’s not the kind of thing you see every day.

Behind me was a drum circle chanting, “Impeach! Resist! Replace!”

Directly in front of me, a young woman who looked frumpy in her little summer dress and the bad posture sat down on the fountain. She immediately set about disassembling her twin braids. When she was done, she sat up straight and shook her hair out, and suddenly she was Hollywood glam.

And I still haven’t mentioned the woman carrying a pair of parrots on leashes. That last bit is super-important, and it cannot be stressed enough that it’s not the kind of thing you see every day. I found the chess tables, and I requisitioned one to start some new pieces.

Then someone got hit by a car. I ran over to help, but I also wanted to see what happened. A sporty BMW convertible, the driver on the phone and looking irritated, had hit a homeless man. There was no blood, and he was trying to get up, but the concerned citizens wouldn’t let him. One directed traffic. I was not needed. I don’t know what I would have done anyway.

On my way out, I saw a young woman painting. I chose not to harass her because I don’t want to be a creep, but it felt good to know I wasn’t the only one. After using the solar-powered public toilet, I made my way home,

I’ve made it my mission to stop and appreciate the little things that made me happy as a kid because they’re all still here, like the satisfying crunch you get from stepping on a dead leaf in the autumn, or a clod of snow in the winter. In the spring, there’s the blossoms, including the first ones I’ve seen this year.

I’m not an idiot. I know that our country is doomed, and all the freedoms I cherish could be gone tomorrow, but yesterday … Yesterday was a good day.

Jer-Z Nights

I got this wild hair and started fantasizing about turning my New York-adjacent adventures into an animated series, populated by some of the people who made it so memorable.

[Names withheld to protect the innocent. It helps that my likenesses are rubbish.]

Character sheets: Drunken Philosophers edition.

Character sheets: Loved and Lost edition.

Character sheets: Found Families edition

Character sheets: Brothers

Weirdos in Disguise

Christmas, you get presents. Thanksgiving, you get to indulge yourself. Halloween is that day when you get to be someone else, and that made it my favorite. I’ve been Optimus Prime, John “Hannibal” Smith from the A-Team, and a Ghostbuster named Murphy.

The coolest Halloween experience I ever had was generic Jedi for my seventh Halloween. (“Bow, or whatever, to the adequate might of Jedi Master Temu!”) On the other side of the barrier that separated the older kids was a generic Sith, carrying a red lightsaber to match my yellow one. He came over, and we talked over the fence for a long time. about Star Wars, we talked about what the fifth grade was like, and he wanted to get a better look at my lightsaber. After recess, I never saw him again, but I looked everywhere.

Years later, I wore the world’s worst Halloween costume and drank vodka in lieu of eating something and went to a rock concert and drank a lot of beer and had another jack and coke and said something to That Moby so bad it got me thrown out of the bar and soaked my friend’s couch with vomit.

Once upon a time, when I was much thinner, I’d shave my mustache, throw on a green T-shirt and go as Norville Rogers, with the nom de guerre of Shaggy. I pulled off an amazing Crow, thanks to the incredible makeup skills of my friend M.

Last year, I enjoyed the holiday with M in Colorado, walking the neighborhood and scoping out the decorations.

I’ve been doing it solo so far this year.

For pagans like Kate, Halloween, or Samhain (pronounced SOW-win; don’t say it like it’s spelled or a witch will laugh at you), is the most sacred day of the year. It’s Christmas and Easter rolled up into one, with all the celebration and feasts and prayers. It’s when the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest, and you can commune with those that have gone before. It is here I lost the true meaning of Halloween (candy and costumes).

I had a very, very nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more, say no more Halloween night in the East Village while the parade went by. On my own, I liked to stop in the neighborhood for a drink and watch Bleeker Street lit up with people having a good time.

Two years ago, I was recruited for the Pumpkin Task Force at work. We wanted to kill at the First Annual Pumpkin Carving Contest, so I said, sure, I’ll help. There were five of us. I bring this up because 20 percent of the group did all the work. I designed the pumpkin:

It was based on the mascot for the American Society of Hematology, Red.

I went to the art store that knows me by name and bought acrylic pens (on the company card). And I said, “You guys do the rest.” My boss offered to carve the pumpkin if someone would draw the face based on my design, but no one did. To say I was disappointed would understate it.

Imagine my surprise when someone asked if I was helping with his year’s contest, closing in two hours. I said no, not after last time. Later, I came across the pumpkin, and someone had written “CARVED” in large letters on it. I hauled it over to the break room and attempted to hose the Sharpie off. I had brought my art markers with me, so I applied them to the pumpkin, using my old design.

It was then that Sera, a work acquaintance, swept in with tubes of acrylic paint, and I was able to work in style. She used to paint, with oils, but she moved into a smaller apartment and can’t fit her easel. While I applied cadmium red to the face, she made hands out of paper plates.

We took it to contest, where it was clear we were not going to win.

Sera and I agreed that we would be more prepared next year.

The party was loud, as parties tended to be. There was an open bar, and I had a doctor’s appointment, so I didn’t stick around.

I was there long enough to puzzle over the group of people who all knew each other, dressed in yellow shirts and overalls. but this Every one of them was wearing glasses, but that’s not that weird. It was weird that they had all had nametags. At first, I thought they were the caterers, but they were all wearing different types of yellow tops.

The only nametag I paid attention to was the cute blonde, named “Lou.” I thought Lou was the best name for a pixie woman, but I also had to remember was that this was a costume. She probably didn’t even need glasses.

Someone dressed like Wednesday, someone dressed like Janet Jackson, Rhythm Nation. There was an axolotl. There was a woman riding “a goose,” “no, an ostrich,” “maybe a swan,” “that is an ostrich,” “that is definitely a goose,” “hey, what’s that you’re riding? I told you it was an ostrich.”

I went to the work party to see me win fifth place, and they announced that the pumpkins were going to be judged in twenty-four by a panel of the building superintendent’s Instagram contacts. So I left.

Then it hit me. They were Minions. They were fucking Minions.

Underworld Figures

I’ve been writing a bonkers novel called Subterraneaus Obscura about the mysterious world underneath Washington, D.C. (which has nothing to do with politics). It’s about three adventurers wearing suits who journey their way through ratweillers, the Mongolian death worm, organic server farms, Gnome Town, etc. They are:

Ember—thrill-seeker. They discovered the underground and keeps recruiting people to explore it with them. They’re optimistic and friendly, and they can’t hold their berry beet smoothies.

Juliette—career criminal. After committing the crime of the century, she is swept up in Ember’s wake when she is almost hit by a Metro train. She’s pretty relaxed, considering.

Mazel—charmed ad absurdum. Cursed with supernaturally good luck, Mazel is on the run from her father, the wealthiest man in the world. Her good fortune gets glitchy underground, so she follows Ember to see if it will run out.

Adventures in Anthropomorphism

I just finished writing a bananas novel called Subterraneous Obscura, which has dozens of supporting characters, from baristas to the richest man in the world. I’ve tried to give memorable personalities to all of them, and the best way to do that is to give them names. I pluck my names out of my life, and along the way, I named seven characters after the pets who are or have been living with my friends, Steve and Meredith, my former roommate, Nicole, and myself.

Here’s Steve and Meredith’s:

Cooper (Ginger Golden Retriever): A doctor who always wanted to do theater. He thinks he’s auditioning for Little Shop of Horrors, but instead, he’s cast in a sex tape.

Harmony (Golden Retriever): The preppy herald of an underworld goddess. (RIP)

Inkling (Sleek Black Cat): The minions of an underworld goddess.

Stardust (Small Tortoiseshell): An underworld goddess. (RIP)

Next is Nicole’s baby, Henry (Black Egyptian Mau): An FBI agent used to getting his way. He’s a Momma’s boy, and his Momma is a crazed, shotgun wielding old woman.

Following is my beloved Newcastle (Maine Coon): A butler who took a vow of silence. (RIP)

Finally, my current roommate, Oscar (Fluffy Black Cat): A sleazy teenage data broker.

Mushroom Mushroom

Since I can’t work backstage at shows anymore (last time I tried, I had to take a week off of work because of a manic episode), I volunteered some art for the community theater. For their show Puffs. Two qualifiers:

  1. After I sent the art to the director, I haven’t heard a word back. I don’t know if they’re using it or not.
  2. The subject-matter is problematic, I’m well aware. The good news is, Puffs is a parody, and it walks up to the line of copyright violation, but doesn’t cross it. There’s nothing that miserable c-word can do about it, and all the money this play makes is going to the authors.

Because the play is about the house the Sorting Hat would send me to, and because this play is stealing money from JK Rowling, I take pride in my work.

Party of the Ways

I was having coffee in Union Station recently, at one in the afternoon, enjoying the little market that I didn’t know they had every Saturday, when she entered. She wandered out of the part of the station where the commuter trains came in (though it could have been anywhere in the building), and she was tipsy.

She may have gone to one of the nice restaurants and had a liquid lunch. She may have been with a friend in Maryland or Virginia and had a few drinks before hopping on the train. She may have still been drunk from the night before.

She was happy, flitting from table to table, trying on jewelry and talking to the vendors about what they’re selling. She was charming to watch. She eventually wandered over to the coffee kiosk near me and stood in the line for people waiting for their drinks, and that’s where I left her when I decided to head home.

On my way to the Metro, I nearly collided with her, but she didn’t notice. Halfway to the turnstiles, I decided to get some Gatorade, so I headed downstairs to the drugstore. Immediately ahead of me in line, there she was, buying the largest bottle of water you can find, as well as a 16-ounce can of Red Bull.

I don’t know what happened to her after that, but I’m assuming it was fun.

The View from Below

When I started drawing again over two years ago, my writing suffered. It seemed like I only a finite amount of creativity. Still, I persisted. Less than one year ago, I completely rewrote the second two thirds of a novel I’d finished in 2021, and I adapted a (bad) screenplay I wrote in 2023.

What I’ve noticed in my writing renaissance is that my books are less introspective and grounded than they used to be, and more surreal and cartoony, with brake-neck action.

Now I’m working on a completely new idea, Subterraneus Obscura, thanks to some inspiration from my dear friend, Emilie. She continues to help me out, coming up with names for nightclubs to prodding me when I need help developing a character.

The book jumps from POV to POV of the three characters below.

Ember is the trailblazer, exploring the world underneath Washington DC with panache.

Lucky, their sidekick, is the fortunate one, with inhumanly good luck and a taste for pot.

The fugitive is Juliette, running from the law through Metro tunnels when she is swept up in the adventures of the other two.