I saw a UFO between twenty-five and thirty years ago. My dad was performing one of the DIY projects he had no expertise in but managed to pull off because he taught himself how to do it, pre-internet, and the radio was on. The hosts breathlessly announced that an unidentified flying object could be seen above my neighborhood. A pair of binoculars in my hand, I ran across the gravel street to the undeveloped land where I had a clear view of the cloudless sky, and there it was. It was hard to figure out its size and shape, as there was nothing to reference it against, and it seemed to bend the light around it, like the Predator. I watched it to see what kind of cool UFO shit it would pull. And I watched it some more. And it didn’t do anything.

Later, authorities identified it as a weather balloon. A likely story. That’s what they always say.

This will be my most controversial post because most people tend to get offended when I spell out my belief system. As if by having them, I’m an asshole. That by telling them my philosophy, even though I’m not actively challenging theirs, I’m attacking them. The truth is, I’m a skeptic. I don’t believe anything that can’t be explained with the scientific method. The usual response to that is “There are things that science can’t explain,” to which I say, “Duh.”

Some go so far as to claim that people like me are dogmatic, and they compare us to the religious figures during the Renaissance—you know, the ones who used to execute scientists. Nothing could be further from the truth. A true skeptic looks for anything that challenges their beliefs, but we have a very high bar for what we’ll accept. What skeptics are dogmatic about and dismissive of are claims made with a lack of evidence, which pretty much defines UFO culture.

First, some definitions. When I use the term UFO, I mean aliens, which is pretty much how the term is used in American culture. People will ask, “Do you believe in UFOs?” Well, there are things seen in the sky that have not been identified, that’s an actual fact. What they’re really asking is whether you believe they are otherworldly. On the other hand, if I spell it out as “unidentified flying object,” I mean exactly that—something in the sky that no one can figure out. One term I won’t be using is the in-vogue UAP, or “unidentified arial phenomena.” It means literally the same thing, except it adds the term “phenomena,” which has a mysterious flavor to it. Besides, UAP reminds me of the late twentieth century when Trekkies tried to change their name to Trekkers because “Trekkie” has such a goofy connotation that no one will admit to it, unless they have a good sense of humor about fandom. “Trekkers” did not catch on.

I could provide a number of examples, including Britain’s most famous and enduring UFO sighting, believers of which neglect to mention the nearby lighthouse. However, I’m going to focus on the most spectacular example of modern times: the Phoenix UFO invasion of 1997. Thousands of eyewitnesses saw lights descending on the biggest city in Arizona. Some people even filmed the display with their camcorders (whatever those are). The National Guard later explained that some of their planes dumped flares over the city for some reason, but certain witnesses scoffed. Flares don’t bank, rise, fall, and quickly zip away.

Except they didn’t do any of those things. Really bright light can burn an image into the human eye. What about the cameras? They leave light trails on videotape. Ask anyone who’s ever filmed at night. Therefore, while the flares were falling straight down and fading out, witnesses were looking around, and the burned-in images were following them. Even if you don’t know the scientific method well, you can use Occam’s Razor, which states that the simplest explanation is usually true. Ask yourself which makes more sense: dozens of aliens unseen on radar dropped in on a densely packed city and just zipped around like a bunch of Tinkerbells? Or that bright lights are altering our vision, as anyone who’s ever had their picture taken with a flash can tell you?

I can already hear my friends who might soon be my ex-friends objecting. But with what? Verifiable science has already stated the most natural explanation. If someone is making a claim that goes against that, the burden of proof lies on their shoulders. Are there any reliable photos? Is there any physical evidence of the flying light show? Of course not, and the lack of evidence is what proves it to them. (The flying saucers are so advanced they don’t leave evidence behind. The military is obviously covering everything up. Men in black, people.) And finally, with the irrefutable proof provided by the UFO enthusiasts, why is this the first time you’ve heard of this in twenty-five years, if ever? Is it the cover up?

Something cannot be proven by coming to a conclusion and finding evidence to support it. (I’m guilty of doing this. We all are.) You cannot make a claim that you saw something weird in the sky and therefore, it’s up to science and the government to prove that it’s not UFOs. The proof that tends to be presented is eyewitness, or anecdotal evidence, and science will not accept that. Human memory is flawed. Google “The Mandela Effect” for some examples. If anyone is being dogmatic, it’s those who refuse to except any other explanation but flying saucers.

Another scoffed-at fact: most unidentified flying objects are clouds. Going back to retina burn, the moon and sun are also culprits. Another fact: a number of witnesses are lying. Barney and Betty Hill are the mommy and daddy of alien abduction, being the first to report the big-headed, bug-eyed aliens we all know, and they have been thoroughly discredited as conmen. Hypnotism is completely unreliable, or it wouldn’t be considered fringe (and no, it’s not discriminated against; imagine how useful it would be if it worked). And whether consciously or not, Barney was describing the aliens that appeared a week earlier up in an episode of Outer Limits. They weren’t disproven by the government hiding the truth, but by doctors looking for evidence of aliens because aliens are the holy grail of science.

A couple of years ago, enthusiasts celebrated when it was revealed that the government was spending tens of millions of dollars to investigate unidentified flying objects. Of course they were. Anything in our skies that can’t be identified is a security threat. And what enthusiasts don’t point out is that the government has identified nearly everything previously unknown. But just because you don’t know what it is, you can’t just jump to the conclusion that it’s aliens. That’s just not reasonable. Also, for such a tight, organized cover-up, a shocking number of those who do the covering tell their stories on UFO documentaries and don’t get stuffed into unmarked vans.

I don’t believe in UFOs because there is no evidence to support life on other planets. From what science can determine, the emergence of life on Earth is a side effect of a number of unlikely coincidences and phenomena that put our planet in the exact place it needed to be not to cook or freeze, as well as to develop the chemicals necessary. The odds against this happening elsewhere are astronomical. However, there are an astronomical number of worlds out there, so who knows? As a skeptic, I say there is no proof that we are being visited by aliens, but I’m crossing my fingers that one day we find it. How cool would that be?