The New Jersey National Guard moved onto the military base over here, which was nice, because it meant I could use my native tongue whenever I rolled through the gate to get the Post Office.
GUARD: (taps on my car window) Pardon me, sir; can I see some ID?
ME: (rolls down the window) Yeah? What for?
GUARD: Oh, so the smart guy here thinks he speaks Jersey, huh?
ME: So what are ya gonna [Bad Word]ing do about it?
GUARD: I’m gonna [Bad Word]ing ask you for your [Bad Word]ing ID, that’s what I’m gonna do.
ME: (hands it over) I hope you choke on it, jerk-off.
GUARD: (scans card) So, trying to bring weapons or contraband on the base like some stupid [Bad Word]?
ME: What, are you [Bad Word]ing stupid or something? Do I look like the kind of [Bad Word] who would bring [Bad Word]ing weapons or contraband on base?
GUARD: (hands the card back and signals his partner) You look like a [Bad Word]. Now get the [Bad Word] out of my face!
ME: Up yours, [Bad Word]!
(The gate opens, and I drive away)
GUARD: (shouts after me) [Bad Word] you, buddy!
ME: Same to you, pal!