The homophobia of Dick Hafer is not for the faint of heart. In fact, it’s pretty vile and disgusting. I’m not sure how or why I read all the way through one of his books, but I did. Mostly I was appalled by the tone, and frankly kind of amazed as well. It’s a lot of hate to cram into such a small paperback, but I’ll be damned if little Dick Hafer didn’t pull it off. 

In shock from having made it through, I skimmed through the comments section of the first part (comments sections, by the way, are a good way to give yourself an aneurysm), and one poster had the nerve to challenge other posters to refute the facts and statistics presented in the twenty-four-year-old book. I think he missed the point. And the point is this: you might think the gay agenda is bad, but I promise you that the straight agenda is much, much worse. 

How, you might ask? 

Well, for starters, heterosexuality has undermined the traditional family values that have made this country strong. For example, nearly 100 percent of divorces are between heterosexual couples; likewise, the vast majority of deadbeat dads are straight. 

Some of the foulest sex crimes have been perpetrated by straights. A significant majority of pedophiles are heterosexual, and most rapes—even prison rapes are committed by heterosexuals. 

The “Straight Agenda” has also rotted our political system. Not only are there are senators like David Vitter, who have broken laws in pursuit of their heterosexual desires, but a number of legislators, including but are by no means limited to former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and his chosen replacement Bob Livingston, and at least one governor, Eliot Spitzer, have lost their jobs as a result of their pursuit of straight sex. Most shockingly, of all the presidents who have been impeached in since Article I of the Constitution was written, a whopping 50 percent of them have been so because of heterosexual activities. 

Mind you, I haven’t researched the exact facts and figures to back up my conclusion of his man/woman plague infesting our nation, but there are two important numbers you need to know about: 95 percent of all statistics are made up; 100 percent of them are twisted to fit the agendas of the people using them. It’s true. 

This is just the beginning. I encourage you to help me find other examples of this disease. 

* Oh, yeah. Totally forgot to mention: Sixty percent of states in the U.S. have amended their constitutions to limit marriage to one man and one woman. If that’s not evidence of a nefarious Straight Agenda, I’d like to know what is.